


Deterioration

by FallenAngelic



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Anxiety, Depression, F/M, Hesitation, Nightmares, Self-Harm, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-29
Updated: 2018-08-11
Packaged: 2018-10-25 06:30:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10758642
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FallenAngelic/pseuds/FallenAngelic
Summary: First, It was self applied IsolationSecond, was mutilationThird, was angerFourth, was nightmaresFifth, was when it all ended





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> EDITING

Sakura wasn't oblivious. When Kakashi started distancing himself from her and his friends it raised a few brows, But she just figured it was him thinking Icha icha was more important. But when he all but tossed her out from his flat one night she grew concerned. He just got up from reading and asked her to leave she was stunned. She couldn't understand what she did. When she asked Kakashi what was the matter he only stayed silent and opened the door.

The next day he walked into the hospital to seek private medical attention from Tsunade and wouldn't meet Sakuras gaze or answer any of her worried questions. When he finally came out with a worried Tsunade peering out of the door frame after him Sakura couldn't take it and rushed after him, catching his sleeved arm before he could reach the exit. Pulling his arm towards her she hugged him tightly trying to ignore the quiet pained hiss that expelled itself from his mouth along with how he stood stiffly before removing her and doing the hand signs to Shunshin away. Sakura just couldn't take it as she crumpled to her knees crying while Tsunade carried her to her own office to comfort her. No matter how much she pried Sakura couldn't get an explanation from her teacher.  
  
Meanwhile Kakashi was in his flat's bathroom standing infront of his mirror with his mask down glaring at the reflection. Sighing he turned on the shower and removed his top hissing a bit as his shirt tugged on the reasons he visited Tsunade. Staring at them he felt an overwhelming anger build up until he snapped.

Thuds and crashes echoed as the mirror found its self flung off the wall. Holes appeared from where his fists connected.

Blood ran down his hands from the split and bruised knuckles. Clinging to the sink Kakashi hung his head in shame at the weak being he had become. Shutting off the shower he stumbled into the living room and clumsily flopped on the couch.

Eyes closing and hands throbbing a small groan was expelled from chapped lips before everything went black.

\--------------------------------

After finally calming down and talking with Tsunade, Sakura left the hospital to go check on Kakashi. The way he tensed up at the hospital only served to worry her more, and the churning feeling in her gut wasn't helping.

When her feet guided her to his flats door she silently knocked. Shifting her weight in an attempt to stay relatively calm.

When no answer came she knocked a little louder.

Still the door did not open.

"Kakashi?" She hesitantly asked. Her heart pounded against her chest, feeling like it was about to burst. Once again she rapped her knuckles against the wooden surface when her ears were greeted with the words of her old Sensei. "Sakura, go away." Crestfallen she went to speak but instead burst out into tears from the stress, worry, and frustration. "Kakashi, I don't know what's going on with you, or why you won't talk to me, but I am here. Don't shut me out.." and with that said Sakura backed out of the hallway and was gone.

Inside the apartment was a sight that Sakura would never want to see. Her sensei sitting against the worn green couch, head bowed, and arms open, covered in jagged wounds. A tanto lay on the ground beside the wounded male, it's surface stained red. The ground around him was covered in blood, of which he would have to clean later.

He laid still. Almost still enough for one to think him for dead, but with a loud groan he got up, and stumbled into the bathroom. Picking up linen wrappings, he rewrapped his forearms. It was not long before they were becoming stained red. Picking up his damp jounin uniform he let out a silent hiss as the movement jolted the wounds that laid under the wrappings. With pained movement he shrugged the blue attire on and pulled the sleeves down.

After a few minutes of recovering from the pain burst he left the bathroom and left, leaving the mess and blade behind him.

 


	2. Does it really matter?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kakashi's nightmares begin to show

The arrival of the grey haired ninja to the graves of his friends was a quick one. He made his way there with haste, jumping from rooftop to rooftop. Many on the streets heard the frantic commotion but when they turned their heads to look the source had already disappeared.

Bowing his head in reverance, Kakshi stood. Whispering silent apologies and prayers of gratitude of their lives, and for the cause of which they had died for. However, the guilt of which that they died due to one's arrogance was a constant pain that Kakashi would be forced to live with. 

Placing a shaking hand on the gravestone he knelt. Blood dripped from the drenched wrappings onto the grass before the stone. Staring at it in quiet contempt he removed his hand. Balling both hands into fists he fought back the tears that threatened to show.

A shinobi must not show emotion, they are to follow orders, protect their village, champion the cause of whatever the leaders decided. Not to be some weak and feeble minded old man that he has become. The once vicious and stable ninja that was able to do anything without fault has now shrunk down to a lesser being that is so full of self hatred, sorrow, and fear, that he could not focus on protecting those he cared for.

With a final glance at the stone the silhouetted figure left. Leaving blood in his wake.

\----------------

Sakura sat in her apartment, a pit was forming in her stomache and she couldn't figure out why. She knew at the very least that it was due to Kakashi's worrying behavior, but he's responsible right? He wouldn't do anything stupid. He's okay. 

Atleast, that's what she told herself, but there still was that "what if" nawing its way into her mind. She had gone to his home, but she didn't truely try to get to him. She feared that it would only make him back away even more.

Maybe there would be something in the library that could help her. It had to be something to do with depression. That's what she's starting to conclude after the whole hospital incident.

Gathering her bag she left, leaving her apartment. All the while the frantic thoughts raced through her head.

\------------

Thuds resounded throughout a certain apartment, in a certain place, in a certain village. Fists connected with walls and holes appeared. Furniture was tossed about and other baubles were scattered across the floor. 

Kakashi had had another fit of rage. it was a vicious cycle. Self harm, Destroy something, refuse to eat, visit the graves, repeat.

Falling to the floor with bloodied knuckles he wept. Shoulders shaking with each breath and tears streaming from swollen eyes.

"Fucking weak." he said, slamming the abused fist into the floor. Hitting the back of his head against the battered wall he shut his eyes. Sleep overcame him.

_AN: I apologize for the amount of time between this chapter and the previous. I have had a lot of things going on in my personaly life that have made my motivation go down to zero. I hope you enjoy this. If you ever feel the same way as Kakashi, send me a message and we can talk. I am here for all of you. *hugs*_

 


End file.
